One of the hardest things that I’ve ever learnt how to do is to ask for help. Sounds pretty easy right? but it’s not. I have a lot of pride and I’m really bloody stubborn, couple that with growing up in a culture which is obsessed with ‘saving face’ and you have the recipe for ‘suffering in silence.’ That’s not to say that you shouldn’t surround yourself with people who know when you need a bit of a pick-me-up.
Your life is lived by you and sometimes you have to take responsibility for your own actions
It’s made realise that asking for help is one of the scariest things you can do as a grown-up (let’s pretend that I am one). Because you’re admitting that you haven’t been able to do something, that you actually can’t cope with something on your own. That you actually aren’t in control (I wonder if this is more of an issue for women than men?) Aka you’re admitting to failure. Which as we know, society hates. Especially for women.
I spent a year being depressed while I was 16 because I was being bullied at school and weirdly enough only a couple of people noticed. My parents chalked it up to being moody and teachers chalked it up to rebellion. I wasn’t eating, I was barely talking and spent a lot of time crying. Looking back, I have no freaking clue why I didn’t talk to someone?! Why on earth did I suffer through it?! Thing is, you learn to cover things up and usually (most) people see only what they want to see. I never did talk to anyone about it, I just figured that I had to be tougher.
When I was 21 and my life didn’t go as planned I fell into a depression again (are we seeing a pattern here – Tasha does not deal well with failure), it was pretty bad this time, I couldn’t even leave my bed for days on end. But of course to everyone around me, I was just coming across as lazy and lacking any future plans.
This is another thing – if you don’t tell people your circumstances, how can you expect them to make allowances for you?
Majority of people are actually pretty understanding about stuff if you’re honest. Because bottom-line no one actually wants you to curl up in the fetal position and feel like shite all the time. I got out of it that time through a combination of things, someone’s mum taking pity on me and offering me help and kindness (it comes from the most unexpected places, I swear!) and a lady I worked with who hit me with some tough love about taking responsibility for my actions. I learnt a lot from this lady and it’s probably why I completely changed my mindset about life as a whole (yeah I just dropped some growth mindset on you :p)
The final thing? My parents trying to force me into an arranged marriage. This time, I was in a very different mindset. I had been in therapy and I had better idea of myself and who my friends were. So I asked for help. I told my boss, I had some friends help me move. Instead of clamming up I sucked it up and asked people to help me. I was hard, I won’t lie because it’s embarrassing.I felt like such a failure but thing is, had I not asked for the help I would never have been able to leave. And I had to weigh out my pride vs. a life where I would probably never have the freedom to be myself. You can see what I chose.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not my go-to. If something happens I will try and sort it myself but I’m trying to get to a point where I can talk about things. These days if something goes wrong, I try and fix it. And if I can’t I make a list and speak to the relevant person about it. I really like lists. Lists help me manage things, my way helping myself. 🙂
I guess the point of this post is to tell you that it’s ok to ask for help. It takes so much more to actually realise that you’re struggling and need help. But it’s not a bad thing – always weigh out what the consequences of you not asking help would be. Whether if it’s not completing project on time or you just need help at home or even just figuring out your life as whole! Just ask.